OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
then he tried to convert me to islam
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
