I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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