I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
