How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
