Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
