Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
