i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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