in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
