Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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