so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
