I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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