I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
