I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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