happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
