What a fucking waste of an outfit
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
