Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you had me at cake vodka
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
