the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize