i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
