i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
