Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
