i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
