all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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