its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
