His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Randomize
