Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize