May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
