Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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