Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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