Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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