Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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