youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
