The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
