He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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