Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
