Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
