My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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