I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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