I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
