Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
