You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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