he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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