i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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