The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
