A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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