Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
