That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
