I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We left the knife in your bed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
