So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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