Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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