I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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