i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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