I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize