To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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