Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
