what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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