I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
