her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
