I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
