I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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