i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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