the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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