We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize