Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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