I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
