A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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