You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
