No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
