My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
