Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am puke
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
