Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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