Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
