Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
